Mystery

Back!

2007-04-24T04:03:00.000+04:00

I know I've been long gone, but well I have my reasons... you know with getting married soon and all ;)

My parents have finally agreed to talk to him and well, alhamdullilah they like him so much more now. I think my parents wanted me to marry Prince William so anyone else was the wrong choice!

I think we'll have the wedding here in the US. We don't have many relations or family in Egypt. Besides, we can have another small party in Egypt when we get there later.

I also think we won't move to Canada right away.

I'm so happy... I mean I'm so worried about lots of things... but that's normal, right? I know deep in my heart I'm making the right choice and to those who thought they didn't believe in Destiny, I'm a very good example :)

Take care you all!

The Last

2007-04-06T04:18:00.000+04:00

thing I ever thought was that I would be married in a matter of days...

I have been getting lots of emails from friends and comments asking me what exactly is going on.

In short, this is the man of my dreams, the love of my life. We were never really in a relationship. We met at the wrong time and place. And when he was free, I was with the ex-moron.

But I dearly loved him. Only I could not do anything about it. We never went out together back then or phoned. But somehow due to many reasons, we got to know one another well.

My parents didn't even get the chance to know him well.

I thought of him again when my granny was sick. I emailed and sent him txt messages him and he responded, telling me he had never really got over me and that he would do anything to be with me. He told me he was now in the US.

So, when my parents and granny suggested we went to the US, I took it as a sign and told him. He was so thrilled he cried that day when I told him.

I met him that day Emma and I went to Central Park. I hadn't told Emma anything about him. He met us there. I introduced him to her as an old friend. Luckily, Emma decided to take a walk around the place, leaving us alone. We talked for a whole hour. Then he asked to see me the following day.

We met and 30 minutes later, he got down on one knee and proposed.

I wept.

That must be love. I know.

I have no freaking idea why my parents don't like him. The guy is very genuine. He's also very religious and sincere. And no, he's not after my money. He's richer than us.

He's an Egyptian by the way, but holds the Canadian nationality.

So, we're going to live in Canada :)

Where am I now? I'm still in the US, but it's only a matter of days...

Where am I staying? I've decided to leave my parents' house. I wanted to stay at a hotel, but he refused. I'm actually at his mother's right now (his dad is dead) and sister's. And they are beyond kind to me. Makes me feel more ashamed about my parents' attitude.

More later. I have to go now. Wish me luck and happiness.

Forgive Me

2007-04-04T05:01:00.000+04:00

Mom,

I know you've been crying and worried about me. I'm fine. I assure you I am. I haven't lied to you as you told me in your email. I swear to you I was going to travel the world with Emma and had indeed prepared everything.

He came along and changed everything. Why don't you get that?

You and dad didn't want to give him any chance. You didn't even want to listen.

He's the love of my life. I lost him once, mom. I can't lose him again. I won't forgive myself. He's done everything for me, mom. And no, all this time we were NOT talking. I hadn't talked to him for three whole years until recently when we met in the US.

Remember the day I went to Central Park and came back with that dazed smile? I saw him that day and we talked and talked...It was like a movie. Out of nowhere, he was there before me. I only got in touch with him when I was in England and was scared shitless next to granny at the hospital. I emailed him because he made me feel safe.

I emailed him because I loved him.

I'm more than fine, mom.

I only wished you were there with me on my wedding day.

Take care,

J

Friends, please post nice comments only.

Salam.

2007-03-29T00:05:00.000+03:00

So, can you tell which one I am? :)

And yes Ra3d, I'm in New York.

Remember when I said earlier I was about to do something amazing and unbelievable? Well, Emma and I have decided to...well...TOUR THE WORLD!

I'm not kidding. Of course, it will not be possible to visit every country. It all started when we sat down together one day and started listing all the places we want to go. It hit me then. Why don't we do it? What are we waiting for? If not now, then WHEN?

She totally agreed and was so excited. Apart from having a VERY hard time talking my parents INTO the whole thing, I've succeeded. Right now, I'm with my parents, Emma and grandmother for a while in the US. I won't tell you about our list of places to go. I'll do it one at a time. I've been to the US before so it doesn't count :D

I just hope Emma and I don't get tired or bored or whatever in the middle of it and that nothing ruins our journey and we return home safe and sound.

I know many people will disapprove of the idea of two girls traveling the world alone. My father has repeatedly suggested going with us. I love you dad, but please I need to do this alone.

I need to clear my mind and figure out what I want in life. It's not that I'm confused. I'm just blurred and need some fun :-)

And some of you might be wondering in your little evil heads about how FAR I would go with guys I meet. I would be alone and vulnerable, right?

Wrong.

My answer to you is "No way! I'm not cheap and I believe in marriage. Would never sleep with anyone but my husband."

We have been here for a week. Emma and I went shopping today. We went to Staten Island Mall and we bought some fantastic clothes!

Yesterday, we had lunch at Hard Rock Cafe International. The day before we spent most of the day at Central Park. This is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to!

Have to go now. More later.

Where Am I?

2007-03-27T00:45:00.000+03:00

So, where am I now?

Guess...

OK, it starts with an "n".

Haven't been around lately, I know. I'll tell you all next time.

Oh and it turns out I know Italiano in real life. His mom knows my mom. Hehe. I mean I was sure I had seen him before. We have only met twice or so before. He's not as toxic as he seems on his blog, by the way. Don't let him fool you. He's very nice ;) LOL.

Till next time...

2007-03-20T00:28:00.000+03:00

I know this sounds crazy. I'm so excited and in such a hurry now I can't explain, but I'm preparing for, may be, the most amazing experience of my life. I'll tell you all next time. Can't spoil the surprise now.

Oh and by the way you all thought I was hiding something from you when I told you about that guy (half Lebanese, half English) last time, but I really was NOT! I mean I swear there's nothing to say. We haven't even been out. He asked me out actually but I turned him down. I don't need the confusion and distraction now. I mean he's very sweet and I saw him ONCE later and I was with Emma and we talked a lot. We only emailed and talked online and that was that. He wanted more, but as I said he's NOT the one for me. What's WRONG with that?!

I'm so happy (and proud since well...I started it :P) so many people have answered the tag. I'll go read you all now :) Here are mine:

1. What are your ambitions, things you hope to achieve in life and what are your goals?

I have many dreams. I actually don't know where to start! I want to be a well-known chef and have my own restaurant or even bakery one day. I want to travel the world. I want to write a novel one day. I want to be happy and get married. And I also want everyone around me to be happy. This is VERY important for me and that includes my parents, family and friends.

2. What is marriage to you?

Friedrich Nietzsche said, "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."

I couldn't agree more. For me marriage has no definitions. It's an eternal friendship and absolute love, acceptance of who the other person is and living WITH not against that. It's giving without questioning and being happy without asking why. Am I making any sense?

3. What are the traits that must be present in YOUR someone?

Honest, handsome, loyal, loving, romantic, tender, caring, understanding, attractive, he must have a great sense of humor, not a workaholic, but not lazy either, intellectual, fun to be with, has a great mind and his own way of thinking, hopeful, religious, NOT moody or a miser, does not smoke, does not have 1243 girl friends (or exes), can not be abusive in any form (and you'll be surprised to know abuse exists A LOT), does not yell, must love and take care of me ;)

4. Do you think having a child (or conceiving one) in the first year of marriage is a must/obligation?

NO! But if he wants that, we can talk and see what's best for us.

5. Are there any illnesses you suffer from?

I'm allergic and used to be asthmatic years ago. I'm also overweight (or pleasantly plump as I like to call it) so if that's an illness I should I mention it.

6. Are you social? Who are your friends?

I'm not really that social. I have many friends and I go out with them when I have the time or feel like it. I don't like parties or crowds much though.

7. What's your relationship with your parents/brothers/sisters?

I argue with my father from time to time but I love him so much. Mom and I are very good friends and I am a lonely child :(

8. What are your hobbies? How do you like to spend your free time?

Reading, writing, baking and cooking, walking, listening to music and watching TV.

9. Do you do any voluntary/charity work?

Right now, no.

10. How would you feel if my mother or yours interfered in our relationship or life later?

I don't think I'd be okay with it :D

2007-03-16T04:29:00.000+03:00

OK, most of you have been asking me to blog more about that "someone". Oh well, here I am.

I met him at Julia's engagement party which I proudly catered sometime ago. He's actually half Lebanese, half English. He's very handsome and very ...I don't know - sweet, I guess :)

But I don't think he's MY someone, if you know what I mean. He is still confused about life, himself and what he wants, finding a decent job...etc. The usual stuff, you know.

And I think he wants to stay in England for a long time. OK, I love England, but I can't see myself living here for long years. I don't know.

Mom wants to me to return to Egypt, but I might go with my dad for a while to the US :D

Anyway, a friend of mine read this book and was telling me that there are TEN questions to ask the one you're about to marry or who has proposed to you just to make sure they're the one for you (applies to both males and females):

1. What are your ambitions, things you hope to achieve in life and what are your goals?

2. What is mariage to you? (I used to ask guys who proposed/been introduced to me that questions and they'd either turn blue or smile like idiots. Believe me, it's a very hard question!)

3. What are the traits that must be present in YOUR someone? (Used to ask that, too. I should write a book, people!)

4. Do you think having a child (or conceiving one) in the first year of marriage is a must/obligation?

5. Are there any illnesses you suffer from? (I don't think many people will be 100% honest with you on that one.)

6. Are you social? Who are your friends?

7. What's your relationship with your parents/brothers/sisters? (It doesn't need a question, you CAN often easily notice such things)

8. What are your hobbies? How do you like to spend your free time?

9. Do you do any voluntary/charity work?

10. How would you feel if my mother or yours interfered in our relationship or life later?

Let's consider this a questionnaire and I really want my friends here to be honest and answer. No one's watching so just vent away! I'm tagging (ba3d eznokom ya gama3a ya3ny and if you don't feel like it ignore my humble request :P) Kareem, Ra3d, Italiano (whose last post cracked me but I haven't posted a comment yet), Engy, Sou, Mak, Nerro, Nesrina and anyone else willing to share his thoughts.

I'll post my answers tomorrow insha2Allah. Gotta go now.

Oh by the way, I think you should also ask how important religion is to that person, if he prays regularly..etc. This is extremely important for religious people.

P.S. I loved your last post, Kareem but for some reason Blogger didn't allow me to comment and totally ignored me :(

2007-03-11T21:08:00.000+03:00

Tagged by Ra3d, one of my friends.

Section 1 - Last First

1. last beverage? Pepsi
2. last phone call? Mom
3. last instant message? Someone ;) (which reminds me I need to blog about that someone :)
4. last cd played? I have and still am listening to some music on the radio. Haven't played a CD in a while.
5. last time you cried? I think it was 2 weeks ago. Won't say why :P

Section 2 - 6 Have You Evers:

1. dated someone twice? Yes, sadly.
2.been cheated on? Not that I know of, no.
3. kissed someone & regretted it? Yes :( and I wish I'd take it back.
4. lost someone special? YES!
5. been depressed? Yes, very, a lot, so much...kefaya keda?
6. been drunk and threw up? I never drink in the first place.

Section 3 - List 3 Favourite Colors

1. Black
2. Red
3. Pink

Section 4 - This month have you:

1. Made a new friend? No
2. Fallen out of love? Hmm...No.
3. Laughed until you cried? Yes, with Emma (my cousin).
4. Met someone who changed your life? I hope he could change my life. Can't say yet ;)
5. Found out who your true friends were? I already know :D
6. Is there something you want to tell someone? Yeah, my infamous ex, "Go to He**, you sick psycho! I pity Satan who'll be sharing his hell with you." Haha! I'm evil, sa7?
7. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends? What does that question mean for God's sake?
8. How many people on your top friends do you know in real life? ????
9. How many kids do you want to have? Two, may be.
10. Do you have any pets? Used to have a cat and a dog.

Section Five - What Else

1. Do you wanna change your name? I love my name. Never.
2. What did you do for your last birthday? I don't remember :P
3. What time did you wake up today? 10, I guess.
4.What were you doing at midnight last night? Reading, probably.
5. Name something you CANNOT wait for? Getting married and having my own restaurant one day, hopefully.
6. Last time you saw your father? Two-three months ago. I'm in England with my grandmother.
7. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? I wish I were thinner ;) or better yet I wish I found my someone soon ba2a!
8.What are you listening to right now? The radio
9. Have you ever talked to Tom? Tom Cruise wala Tom meen? No, bardo.
10. Have you ever talked about someone behind their back? Not often, no.
11. What’s the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone? I don't borrow clothes :P
12. Who’s getting on your nerves right now? My mother who insists I should go back :(
13. Most visited webpage? Blogs, Hotmail
14. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi
15. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week? By my grandmother only.
16.Mac or PC? PC

I'm tagging Sou, Engy, Jayda, Nesrina and anyone else who wants to share.

2007-03-05T18:08:00.000+03:00

I know I haven't blogged for a long time. My granny was sick at hospital and had to undergo more than one operation. I thank God I was here in the UK to take her to the hospital and help her. On the other hand, I've been so tired and exhausted. She's been home for a few days and she's getting better, thank God.

I was supposed to cater a couple of coming parties but of course, I didn't.

I'll blog again soon.

2007-02-20T00:45:00.000+03:00

Let me tell you about my first ever catering gig/party :D

It was held Feb. 12th (two days before Valentine's Day). Julia (the bride) had already told me about her likes and dislikes. I also met with her fiance, Eric (who I didn't like at all being really snobbish and stupid). Julia is really too good for him. All he did that day was list the items he did not want to see and they were like 100!

Anyway, my grandmother and Emma helped me a great deal. I couldn't have done without them so thank you so much Emma and Granny :)

The party was held at Julia's parents' house. They have one amazing REAL English garden. Julia told me she was bringing a small band as her friends and the fiance's felt like dancing.

Number of guests = 50

I made up a lovely menu. I had also agreed with Julia I would set the place up for her. I know a thing or two about decoration. Emma did more in fact and I really liked her taste. Julia's favorite color is lilac and almost everything that day was in lilac including table cloths and decorations. She just loved it. I also made Emma in charge of anything wine-related; from purchasing to food pairing. I don't drink and don't know that much about it :) And thank God, Julia didn't want pork on the menu. I know how to cook it, but I hate its smell and again, I don't eat it.

Back to the kitchen. Here's my humble menu:

Appetizers and Salads

Mushroom Fries
Asparagus Pasta Salad
Taboulah (of course! And they loved it!)
Californian Salad
Greek Salad
Mozzarella Sticks

Main Dishes

Fried Chicken (she begged me for it so what can I say?)
Chicken Risotto
Salmon and Spinach Lasagne
Chips and Fish (by demand as most English adore it)
Baked Penne with Roasted Vegetables
Meatballs

Desserts (next to the Engagement Cake which I proudly baked)

Apple Pies
Banana Tartes
Chocolate Tartes
Chocolate Souffles
Chocolate Hazelnut Biscotti
Chocolate Mousse (yes, by now you realized how Julia LOVES chocolate!)

And of course there were many non-alcoholic drinks as well.

Julia didn't want any waiters or waitresses at the party except for someone to pour drinks for the guests at the small bar and another someone at the buffet. She insisted it was a friendly gathering and she wanted nothing formal about it.

I just hired a waiter for the bar and watched the buffet myself.

I'm still sore, believe it or not. I hadn't slept for days before that and didn't rest a minute that day. I'd thought about calling the whole thing off and had cried right before the party.

I went there in a pink coat, black pants and a black scarf around my neck. Yes, professional and classic.

The party was great. Julia was really pretty and her friends were really nice. I was even asked if I could cater other parties :D I also met someone really interesting there *wink* but more later.

But I also earned a good sum amount of money.

If you like any of the dishes I mentioned above, I can email you the recipe. But then I'd have to kill you. Kidding. Just tell me.

2007-02-16T23:56:00.000+03:00

Tagged by Kareem and Raghoooda- Things you don't know about me

For some reason, I can't cry when the lights are on. It has to be dark. I have no idea why till this day.
I am allergic which is why I can't smoke. I smoked for a couple of weeks though last year and I might take it again.
If it weren't for smoke, I think I'd actually like men who smoke.
As a kid, I was a sport maniac. I probably played five sports at a time. May be more.
I can never sleep if I hear a single sound/voice even I'm too tired. It has to be really quiet.
Like Kareem, I can't whistle. Never did and never will.
I hardly cried from the age of 7-12 that I even thought crying was abnormal and not for me.
Since the age of 13, I have cried quite often actually.
I've never said it but I think I love staying in England more than I do in Egypt.
I don't have many friends in real life.
I have many online friends.
I love buying lingerie.
I met Ahmed El Sa2a (the Egyptian actor) and we talked for minutes. He was really nice.
I don't mind being single.
If I don't have my morning coffee, I can bite, roar, yell and do anything else.
I'm told I have really pretty hands.
I used to be quite skinny.
Now, I'm over weight.
I never prank-called anyone.

Ask me anything else you want to know. I'll blog soon about what I've been up to lately!

2007-01-30T18:33:00.000+03:00

Yes, I'm still here. Mom has found out about my blog as well. I don't mind it at all. As a matter of fact, I told her she should check it more often since I don't always feel like telling her everything :P

As for me, I'm still looking for a nice place to work. Is that too much to ask?! I have got a few offers, but there was always something about the place (and by that I mean restaurant) or the chef that upset me. But I'm not losing hope.

And so just then, my cousin Emma phoned and told me about this friend of hers who was having a small engagement party. Since it hadn't been expected, she had no idea what to do. She is not that rich either and could not afford too much, but at the same time she wants something really nice.

Emma told her how a great chef I was and that I could cater the whole PARTY for her!!!

I absolutely froze in my place when she told me about this. She was so happy she did and I was so nervous that I started going around in circles and finally tripped over and fell on my face. Serves me right.

Anyway, of course I had to say yes. This is my chance and not just that, but I could not disappoint 1. Emma (who so believes in me) 2. Julia (the girl whose party I'm catering) and 3. Me as I deserve to do this.

I have no plan yet. I have to get ready pronto as I only have TEN DAYS left and I've just learned there will be around 70 guests! She said they were only 50.

I already have a menu in my head, but I need to sit down with her and discuss her likes and dislikes and anything else regarding food. And her bloody mobile is always off.

But let me tell you before I forget about the psychic who read for me and Emma. We were sitting at some old coffee shop when this weird-looking woman approached us. I don't mean weird as in strange or freaky, but she looked like psychics you see in the movies or rather like a goth. Anyway, she asked if we were interested in a reading. And mind you, she had been sitting reading and had asked no one but us. May be because Emma and I look young and idiotic? Have no idea really.

But the thing is Emma was so excited and agreed right away. She told us she would give us two readings for 15 pounds and Emma told her she would pay only ten. The woman agreed.

I said nothing and the woman realized I was eying her from head to toe skeptically.

First she told Emma that she had two younger brothers. Now how the hell did she know that? She could not have heard us as we hadn't mentioned them at all earlier and she couldn't have known her as Emma did not live in the area.

Anyway, she told her stuff about the one she liked.

She turned to me, "Would you like a reading?"

I said OK.

She told me I come from very far and that my parents do not live with me! Then she proceeds to tell me about what I like and she told me things would get much better for me. She also said there's a great chance I might find the one for me in 2007 and described him a little.

She turned out to be really interesting. She even started telling us about herself. So, we ended up friends.

Have to go now. Salams!

2007-01-25T01:11:00.000+03:00

Since no one has guessed where I am, let me tell you. *Suspense* Well, I was in Scotland. I hadn't traveled there before. But I'll tell you more about it later as I have more things on my mind.

Kareem lately asked about what I do for a living. Well, I studied Business Administration. But then I have always loved... COOKING AND BAKING. Yes, so when I was in the States years ago, I went to this culinary school to become a chef. Of course, you can't work as a chef right away. It takes years and years. If anyone reading this watched "Hell's Kitchen" that was showing on MBC4 lately, you'd get the idea of the type of work I'm in love with.

Anyway, of course my father has never been in love with this idea. Mom doesn't mind as she believes I should do what I want and love (thanks, Mom!). I used to work in Egypt a year or two ago as an administrative assistant. Months later, I hated the job, my work mates and any sort of paper work. I quit even though the salary was good. But I never felt fulfilled.

Anyway, all this time I kept thinking and thinking about being a chef in Egypt. It can be done, of course, but I believe doing it somewhere like England will be another whole experience. I truly think so.

And so after persuading my parents, assuring my father all would be well and things like that, they finally agreed to allow me to go to England for sometime where I could stay with my grandmother.

So, here I am. And I think very soon, I shall be a chef assistant. I've been seeing chefs and emailing my resume. Hooray!

I'll write more later, but granny is calling me now.

Oh and by the way, I was sitting at this coffee shop days ago with my favorite cousin, Emma, when this psychic approached us and told us some amazing stuff. More next time ;)

2007-01-21T15:26:00.000+03:00

OK, you're all wondering where I am, right? How about I leave you like that? The first one who guesses right will be a lucky winner of... oh wait, I have nothing to offer... will be a winner w khalas :)

Anyway, guess who called me one month ago?! You have to guess.

THE EX.

That's right. The one who was almost my future husband. The one I was with for almost FIVE years. We broke up a couple of years ago. We had never ever talked or anything until one month ago.

My cell phone rang. There was this strange number. I answer.

Me: Hello?

Silence.

Me: (impatient) Hellooo?!

Him: Ezayek?

I was too shocked/surprised/amazed to say anything while trying to "get" that he's actually on the other side talking to me! I didn't say a word.

Him: Are you there?

Me: (taking hold of myself and deciding to have a little kick out of it) Who is this?

Him: It's me (utters his name).

Me: Oh... What do you want? (I was too formal and really happy I was in control)

Him: I miss you.

And I think "You bastard! After all that you have done to hurt me, after being mean to me and treating me with your psycho-like attitude, shouting and screaming at me, making me believe I was some horrible creature...Oh no, not again. We're over once and for all."

Me: WHAT?!! (I laugh aloud).

Him: I have actually wanted to call you since ever, but never knew what to say.

Me: And you do now?

Him: Can we start again?

Me: OH MY GOD! Start what again???

Him: I can't forget you. I haven't stopped thinking about you.

Me: I have.

Silence.

Me: I have a new life, and probably a new job soon and I'm leaving the country soon. And you know what? I don't need this or you. Enough is enough. I can't be blind twice. It's true I cried so much over you. There was a time I thought I'd die. I needed you so much and you were not there. You ignored and humiliated me. I've matured. And above all... I'm happily with someone who makes me feel I'm his whole world and doesn't yell or shout at me.

(OK, I'm not with someone but there's someone I really like ;) but I had to say that.

Him: Oh... I... OK ...I ...

Me: Have to go. Bye.

Hang up.

More later.

2007-01-17T03:25:00.000+03:00

It's been a year since I last blogged. Seriously. I mean given the fact that this is my first post ever in 2007! WOW! Wishing everyone a great year ahead...

I was overwhelmed with the amount of emails and comments I received here asking about me. Kidding. Dear Raghooda was the only one asking about me. Where is everyone?!

I've not just been off line. I've been off life as well. I haven't been answering my cell phone, talking to anyone or seeing anyone. Hell, I haven't even checked my email in ages. I even forgot my password for a minute then recalled it. Go ahead and laugh. It happens, you know.

And now for another blast...

I'm not in Egypt anymore. And it seems I won't return any time soon. I will leave you guessing for now where I might be.

I still have to check all my friends' blogs and read my forgotten-almost-deleted emails.

I have all kinds of news. So until next time. Have to go now.

2006-12-25T21:16:00.000+03:00

I'm in Alex. Have been here for the last 3 days or so. I'm fine, but I have a bad cold that's starting to wear off. My uncles live here and we figured it'd be cool to stay here for a while and enjoy the eid. I don't have a job at the moment so I might as well enjoy my time off :)

We were supposed to go out today, but it's cold. But it's still warmer than Cairo, anyway.

Tomorrow, I'll probably go out with some friends.

Now to something else. A friend of mine came to see me today. She's a very sweet girl. Anyway, I love her looks and her unique personality. And we do have much in common.

She just told me that she met a guy online weeks ago. He seemed nice and all. But then things started getting more personal. They both started liking one another, realizing they had much in common. She gave me many examples and truly, they sounded so alike and I'd say they would have been in sync.

He told her he was falling in love with her and that he was single. He told her she was the girl of his dreams and more than anything, he wanted to see her. They started to phone one another. This went on for like two weeks. And they got really close.

But then she sensed something fishy. Now, my friend is rather psychic as I like to call her.

Anyway, she started ignoring him online and wouldn't take his calls. He started going nuts. Actually, I think he was crazy about her and still is.

Then she emailed him and swore that if she ever found out he hadn't been 100% honest with her, she would never ever talk to him again. He sort of freaked out. After much pressure, he finally told her he was actually...

MARRIED!

Oh my God! I didn't know what to say. She must be really strong to go through all of this alone as she'd not told anyone but me about this and already 4 or 5 weeks had passed. She loved him. She told me that. She told me he really broke her heart. She started describing to me the kind of pain she felt and I almost cried cos I've been there. I know what heartbreak is.

Now that's not the end of our little story here. He had the nerve to ask her if she wanted to be his girl friend! He told her he couldn't live without her. Of course, she said no and told him all she wanted him to hear in an email which he so deserved, by the way.

He called her later crying, but she didn't give in.

I admire her courage and her dignity. And of course, her choice.

And to all you girls online "Be careful!"

I can't totally refuse the idea of meeting someone online. One of my very close friends met her husband online and they are soul mates masha2Allah. But it's just a tiny possibility.

Anyway, I have another story, but I'll write again later.

2006-12-22T02:55:00.000+03:00

OK, seriously and honestly, have you ever known a lesbian woman/girl? I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but I had to ask. This post is not for the weak-hearted and to tell you the truth, I never thought I'd be blogging about something like this!

A friend of mine called me days ago. She sounded upset. She said she needed to talk. We agreed to meet a couple of hours later for coffee. And let me call her N.

Here's how it went:

N: I've been feeling weird. I'm miserable.
Me: Why so?
N: I don't know if I should tell you, but I actually phoned you to tell you.
Me: ?????
N: I think you're not being a typical Egyptian, might make you understand this better than anybody else.
Me: ???
N: Promise you won't laugh at me or embarrass me before anyone else?
Me: (I'm sensing something bad) What do you mean?
N: Just promise.
Me: OK, I do.
N: Well, I'm a ....
Me: (I thought she'd say something about not being a virgin anymore or something and I didn't know what how to react then)
N: I'm a lesbian (almost whispering)
Me: WHAT???? (shouting)
N: What? You promised you wouldn't laugh at or ridicule me!! (upset)
Me: OK, N. Fine. I won't (shocked and fuming while thinking WHY ME WHY ME?)
N: So?
Me: Eih?
N: What should I do?
Me: How the he** would I know, N?

N starts to cry. Great. Another public scene.

Ten minutes later.

Me: Does your family know?
N: NO tab3an!! (laughs)
Me: I still don't get it!! Why?
N: It just happened. I realized I never liked guys.
Me: Let me get one thing straight. You think you like girls or you already done-
N: (cutting me short) I have had sex with other girl, yes!
Me: 0_0
N: Malek ya benty?
Me: You know I'm not a lesbian nor have any thoughts about switching teams ever? (I thought she might start hittin on me or whatever and yes, I got scared!!)
N: (laugh so hard) Aiwa, I know. You're so pretty and all, but it's apparent you're stupidly into guys.
Me: (laughing like an idiot) Me so pretty? Thanks.
N: So what should I do?
Me: I have NO idea, but your secret is safe.
N: Don't you know other lesbian girls?
Me: NO tab3an!
N: Even if you did, they wouldn't tell you. It's not common nowadays. We are still not accepted. In the future, may be. I bet you have other female friends who are lesbians but never say it!
Me: (OMG!!) You make me feel like you belong to some secret organization, N. Besides, I feel I have to tell you it's against our religion totally and this is one of the worst sins ever.
N: I don't need your fu****g opinion.
Me: FINE!
N: I don't have a girl friend so of course, I'm sad.

And then she told me something else that almost made me throw up but I can't write it here. And I've been tense ever since that talk. I don't think I want to talk to her again. She made me feel uncomfortable. She was checking out other girls when I was with her, for God's sake! It's all very confusing for me. She's really pretty and innocent-looking, so why?? She's never lived outside Egypt, so where did her thoughts come from?

Any advice, PLEASE?

2006-12-10T12:46:00.000+03:00

I'm really *mad*. After writing a long post here last night for a whole ONE HOUR, I lost into cyber space. When I clicked "publish" something wrong happened and my entry was lost forever.

So, here I am again trying to re-post what I did last night.

I loved my trip to London. As a matter of fact, I'm seriously thinking of settling there soon. It's lovely (really cold though). There's so much to see and do there.

And of course I took some wonderful pics there but lost my digital camera on the way here which really upset me.

I went to some amazing places:

Chinatown London

Covent Garden Market (mom insisted on going there)

Hampton Court Palace (OMG! I felt I was in some royal movie there. It must feel so good to be a princess/queen :) I didn't want to leave EVER)

Tea Palace (for some afternoon tea. Tea time is sacred for the English.)

Porchetta (great pizza!)

Harrods (of course, where else would I go shopping? We were there for hours)

Windsor Castle

Sherlock Holmes Museum

Kensington Gardens

Why don't we have parks and gardens like that here in Egypt? Where could one go unwind and relax? The pollution here is unbearable cos my allergy is back again. I had no allergy or sinus there! We have the lovely Nile here, but just look at its color. The color of bitter death.

Anyway, of course so much happened there and I'll try to blog about it all. Granny was super nice. I enjoyed talking with her.

And so much happened when I got here. I got this email from an American friend of mine 2 days ago. Let me quote a paragraph she wrote:

"I'm thinking about going to Egypt soon. Our gov. here has been warning us. They say we, women, shouldn't walk alone on the streets or in crowded places. Sexual harressments/assaults are normal in Egypt nowadays as I've heard. How do you protect yourself there, dear?"

Me? No comment.

2006-12-03T16:17:00.000+03:00

And I'm back. Will blog soon.

2006-11-20T03:10:00.000+03:00

Ok, guess what? I'm in the UK now! Yay! My mom and I decided to come here all of a sudden. It took me like 2 hours to pack everything so you can imagine the running around!

Dad is still in Egypt. Work and all.

The flight was okay, I guess. I was too excited to notice. The last time I came here, folks was TEN YEARS AGO! I don't remember a thing. Right now we're in London, but tomorrow we'll go to my granny's house in the south.

I have certainly realized how polluted the weather is in Egypt. My allergy is gone here! How did I not notice that before?

Oh and have you noticed the pic above? Taken a good look at the guy on the left? Isn't he just so cute?! We kinda grew up together here (until I was three or four or so), he's a distant cousin, but sadly not a Muslim :( I really like him and he's so funny. Actually, I think he likes me too. He kept telling me how lovely I looked while trying to hold my hand. But at the same time he was holding a can of beer in his hand. I found that very irritating!!
I asked him to either drink it far from me or leave it aside. He left it aside :) He's a sweetheart. He was actually interested in Islam today and kept asking me questions...

And I got an email that made me both cry and open my mouth wide open (don't know which happened first)... But that's another story.

Salams for now.

2006-11-08T18:47:00.000+03:00

I had the most bizzare dream yesterday.

All of a sudden it seems like I was back in time with the ex-boyfriend (the one I was about to marry one day long ago, the guy I thought was THE ONE). We were together again in the dream. I don't remember if we were holding hands. I remember I was holding some notebook. We were both standing waiting for a taxi as I thought. Then all of the stupid ex gestured to one of those mini vans (a public transport I NEVER ride for many reasons).

He opened the door and ushered to me to step inside. I clearly remember the appalled expression on my face, my mouth wide open and my being scared and almost shocked. The front row was empty. The van was full of men. I did not spot any female.

At that time, I remember the ex holding my hand tightly.

The ex jumped, stepping inside the mini van. And he was like, "Come one in! It's ok to ride a mini van when I am WITH you. When you're on your own, you should not."

He thought those words were some sort of comfort. He thought so.

While everyone (including the ex) inside the vehicle was staring at me waiting for me to jump inside, even the driver. I remember lifting my right foot to go inside thinking what was the worst thing that could happen.

Then, almost suffocated and scared, I said, "NO! I'm not going inside." I, myself, was shocked at saying such words.

The ex was mad. The expression on his face was one that was really so true. It made me believe INSIDE the dream that I was not actually dreaming. Imagine that.

He was mad. Really mad. He had that how-dare-you look on his face. A look I remember so well.

Then I spotted a taxi right behind the van, I ushered to it. I said something like, "I'll take a taxi alone, but I'm not getting inside that mini van with you. I can't."

I think my dream needs no explanation. I decided NOT to get on the mini van with him which actually was very small, weird people (oh, the ex had one weird family!) inside and it made me feel suffocated, I swear. That was how my life was going to be with him. SUFFOCATING. APPALLING.

And I knew all that perfectly well. He was abusive. I always gave him so many excuses and put up with his sick behavior. He was never really justified. A sick bastard. That was what he was.

We were together for FIVE YEARS. Actually, the first two years don't count. He took many trips. I also went to the States, Dubai and Saudi Arabia with my parents many times.

And yes, he was an Egyptian in case you are wondering.

Bottomline: Don't be with someone who makes you cry at night, makes you feel left out, abandoned and who happens to enjoy hurting you. Someone who is not aware of what you do for him every single day.

You deserve better.

2006-11-07T01:12:00.000+03:00

The blogosphere seems so empty nowadays. Hardly any buzz. May be it has to do with the monsterous brutal mega sexual rabies that happened downtown on the first day of Eid? Right after RAMADAN, you know the most holy month of the year for us, Moslems!! I mean where have real men fucking gone? I'm so pissed off. I could have been there with a friend or with my MOTHER. And mind you, I do look European (I'm half English) and do NOT wear a hijab (not yet). So, would they have raped me right there? Although I read it made no difference to those beasts whether the woman was young, old, covering her whole body or exposing it. They were animals. BEASTS. But even beasts do NOT do that.

And what has our goverment done about that? Huh? Those people should go to prison and be beaten in public. Who would believe this would be happening in Egypt?

I'm so disgusted and shocked by all this that I may go to the UK for a while with my mom. I'm out.

Your thoughts are welcome.

2006-10-19T00:49:00.000+03:00

I can't wait for Eid. We may also go to England for a while. Yay, but that will have to wait till the end of the year. Been a lousy blogger, I know. And yes, I have deleted my last post with my pic as I don't want anyone I know to find this blog out and read what's on my mind. I had the pic here for more than 2 or 3 weeks :)

My diet has been a huge failure. I think I out on more pounds than I should. But it's always like that in Ramadan for me. Not the "amount" of food, but the "type" of food and the many iftar invitations we get. Mother has put on some extra pounds, too and she is mad. Watch out.

Ok, don't scream or freak out or anything, but one of my old good friends that I hadn't talked to in 5 years or so emailed me last week. She is English (let's call her K) and we were sort of close when she was here in Egypt for a few years with her family. Anyway...

She emailed to ask about me. And she asks me, "So, what do you do for a living now?"

"I work in advertising and marketing. And you, K?"

"I just gave up stripping. I work as a waitress now till I graduate from college."

Yes, you got that right. She is an ex-stripper!

I didn't know what to say. I was shocked. She was so decent when I knew her and very shy. How come? She told me she quit after one week as it was not what she had expected.

Should I still talk to and email her? She is in England, not here, by the way.

Strange how people change.

Other than that, I feel lousy and bored most days. Why is it that people are so lazy in Ramadan? A good friend of mine England tells me it's not the case there. She still fasts and works just as hard. Weird.

And I hate Mona Zaki imitating "Soad Hosni". She's such a loser. She doesn't look or sound like her. And she's so boring. I used to like her actually. I think this TV show has showed Soad Hosni as one insane person who doesn't care about family life. All she wanted was fame and she got it. I think the script is lousy and the story isn't even 50% true. It's a shame for the "Cindrella" and her fans. They should stop that show. It's a big joke.

2006-09-24T23:07:00.000+04:00

Ramadan Mubarak to you all. Go easy on the food this year. I'm actually dieting. Yeah right. Who am I kidding here? :)

Is it just me or don't you too feel the spirit of Ramadan this year?

And please please please (that's three please's) pray for my good friend Marwa who is going through one hell of a time with her husband who had to undergo surgery and has been diagnosed with cancer. They are both so young and just got married recently. Please pray for them and that her husband gets well soon.

I don't think there's anything interesting on TV. Oh wait, the TV show about Abd El Haleem Hafez is on MBC now. I also want to watch the one about Soad Hosny (on LBC). What time is it again? I guess I won't watch anything else.

Salams!

2006-09-06T04:11:00.000+04:00

I guess I never "really" introduced myself here. I'm not sure if I can really, but let me give you some random facts about me.

I'm half English & half Egyptian. Mom's English which makes Dad the Egyptian.

I was born in England. We lived there for like 2-3 years then we moved to Egypt.

The last time I went to London was ten years ago :) We hardly have any family there now.

I miss England, but I love Egypt and love living here.

No, I'm not blonde or have a pair of blue eyes. My hair is dark and my eyes are brown. But I'm pretty nontheless :P

I'm over-weight but I don't care.

I speak Arabic more fluently than English ;)

2006-09-03T18:58:00.000+04:00

So, September is here. I love autumn. Summer is so hot. Besides, I'm not a beach person anymore as I was when I was a kid. I remember we used to go to the beach almost EVERYDAY in the summer in Agamy where we spent the whole summer. It was like a ritual. Something we couldn't live without. Get up, get dressed and off to the beach. We'd go back home after sunset :D

It's not like I'm 50 years old or anything (I'm in my 20's actually), but back then private beaches were quiet and lovely. Even the color of the sea was different from its color today and its smell. Even the sand looked different then. Our country must be over-polluted. What a waste!

Everyone nowadays is getting ready for either school or Ramadan or BOTH. Ramadan starts Sep. 23rd as far as I know Insha2Allah.

Yalla, kol 3am w antom be'7eir :)

2006-08-26T03:03:00.000+04:00

So, suppose you were getting married tomorrow, does that mean you only have today (and today alone) to think about, you know, someone other than your significant other? For the last time?

That question has been occupying my mind most of the day, mostly cos I have nothing else to do, no where to go with all this crazy heat and everyone I know is on vacation. But me.

NOT FAIR!!

Those past days all seem the same. Seeing the same faces on the street (don't know how, but at least it feels so!), saying the same things, eating the same stuff...etc.

I'm not a smoker and actually if you ask me how I feel about it, I must say I'm against it. For lots of reasons. But anyway, today I was stressed, so stressed that I decided to smoke. It wasn't the first time. It's funny though that I had only tried it once before that. It was last year or so. Just out of curiousity (and hated it) so today I have no idea why I decided to smoke. A girl I knew had earlier offered me one (yes, she smokes and it's becoming a habit nowadays).

The cigarette didn't make me feel any better or ease my tension. Then tell me this, why in the movies, whenever the hero or heroine is realy tense, they just grab a cigaretter and smoke the hell out of it like it's some tranquilizer? Huh?

Whatever, I think I'm talking nonsense. Off I go, people!

Post # 1

2006-08-16T21:57:00.000+04:00

OK, let me not be conventional. I don't want this to be yet another boring first post. So, I won't introduce myself. You'll get to know the more you read me, that is if you ever do.

I'm pissed off at what's been going on in Lebanon and what makes me more angry is the fact that I'm helpless. I can't do anything. All I do is watch TV, cry for all the dead forgotten children and innocent people, wrecked houses and people who have lost their homes then move on to something else.

May Allah Bless Lebanon.

It's amazing writing down what you want to say and publish it for the whole world to see just through the click of a finger. I had a blog long ago but I think I had nothing to say for so long and was going through one of the hardest times of my life so I shut it down.

But not this one.

And it's been extremely hot these days. I can't sleep.

I also noticed that there are so many blogs by Egyptians online. Way to go, folks.

I've got so many things to do nowadays. I'll tell you more later.