The personal blog of a not-so-typical half English/ Egyptian girl in her 20's rambling about her life, friends and everything else. Don't read if you can't handle her dark sense of humor or moodiness.

Monday, November 20, 2006


Ok, guess what? I'm in the UK now! Yay! My mom and I decided to come here all of a sudden. It took me like 2 hours to pack everything so you can imagine the running around!

Dad is still in Egypt. Work and all.

The flight was okay, I guess. I was too excited to notice. The last time I came here, folks was TEN YEARS AGO! I don't remember a thing. Right now we're in London, but tomorrow we'll go to my granny's house in the south.

I have certainly realized how polluted the weather is in Egypt. My allergy is gone here! How did I not notice that before?

Oh and have you noticed the pic above? Taken a good look at the guy on the left? Isn't he just so cute?! We kinda grew up together here (until I was three or four or so), he's a distant cousin, but sadly not a Muslim :( I really like him and he's so funny. Actually, I think he likes me too. He kept telling me how lovely I looked while trying to hold my hand. But at the same time he was holding a can of beer in his hand. I found that very irritating!!
I asked him to either drink it far from me or leave it aside. He left it aside :) He's a sweetheart. He was actually interested in Islam today and kept asking me questions...

And I got an email that made me both cry and open my mouth wide open (don't know which happened first)... But that's another story.

Salams for now.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I had the most bizzare dream yesterday.

All of a sudden it seems like I was back in time with the ex-boyfriend (the one I was about to marry one day long ago, the guy I thought was THE ONE). We were together again in the dream. I don't remember if we were holding hands. I remember I was holding some notebook. We were both standing waiting for a taxi as I thought. Then all of the stupid ex gestured to one of those mini vans (a public transport I NEVER ride for many reasons).

He opened the door and ushered to me to step inside. I clearly remember the appalled expression on my face, my mouth wide open and my being scared and almost shocked. The front row was empty. The van was full of men. I did not spot any female.

At that time, I remember the ex holding my hand tightly.

The ex jumped, stepping inside the mini van. And he was like, "Come one in! It's ok to ride a mini van when I am WITH you. When you're on your own, you should not."

He thought those words were some sort of comfort. He thought so.

While everyone (including the ex) inside the vehicle was staring at me waiting for me to jump inside, even the driver. I remember lifting my right foot to go inside thinking what was the worst thing that could happen.

Then, almost suffocated and scared, I said, "NO! I'm not going inside." I, myself, was shocked at saying such words.

The ex was mad. The expression on his face was one that was really so true. It made me believe INSIDE the dream that I was not actually dreaming. Imagine that.

He was mad. Really mad. He had that how-dare-you look on his face. A look I remember so well. 

Then I spotted a taxi right behind the van, I ushered to it. I said something like, "I'll take a taxi alone, but I'm not getting inside that mini van with you. I can't."

I think my dream needs no explanation. I decided NOT to get on the mini van with him which actually was very small, weird people (oh, the ex had one weird family!) inside and it made me feel suffocated, I swear. That was how my life was going to be with him. SUFFOCATING. APPALLING.

And I knew all that perfectly well. He was abusive. I always gave him so many excuses and put up with his sick behavior. He was never really justified. A sick bastard. That was what he was.

We were together for FIVE YEARS. Actually, the first two years don't count. He took many trips. I also went to the States, Dubai and Saudi Arabia with my parents many times.

And yes, he was an Egyptian in case you are wondering. 

Bottomline: Don't be with someone who makes you cry at night, makes you feel left out, abandoned and who happens to enjoy hurting you. Someone who is not aware of what you do for him every single day.

You deserve better.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The blogosphere seems so empty nowadays. Hardly any buzz. May be it has to do with the monsterous brutal mega sexual rabies that happened downtown on the first day of Eid? Right after RAMADAN, you know the most holy month of the year for us, Moslems!! I mean where have real men fucking gone? I'm so pissed off. I could have been there with a friend or with my MOTHER. And mind you, I do look European (I'm half English) and do NOT wear a hijab (not yet). So, would they have raped me right there? Although I read it made no difference to those beasts whether the woman was young, old, covering her whole body or exposing it. They were animals. BEASTS. But even beasts do NOT do that.

And what has our goverment done about that? Huh? Those people should go to prison and be beaten in public. Who would believe this would be happening in Egypt?

I'm so disgusted and shocked by all this that I may go to the UK for a while with my mom. I'm out.

Your thoughts are welcome.