I had the most bizzare dream yesterday.

All of a sudden it seems like I was back in time with the ex-boyfriend (the one I was about to marry one day long ago, the guy I thought was THE ONE). We were together again in the dream. I don't remember if we were holding hands. I remember I was holding some notebook. We were both standing waiting for a taxi as I thought. Then all of the stupid ex gestured to one of those mini vans (a public transport I NEVER ride for many reasons).

He opened the door and ushered to me to step inside. I clearly remember the appalled expression on my face, my mouth wide open and my being scared and almost shocked. The front row was empty. The van was full of men. I did not spot any female.

At that time, I remember the ex holding my hand tightly.

The ex jumped, stepping inside the mini van. And he was like, "Come one in! It's ok to ride a mini van when I am WITH you. When you're on your own, you should not."

He thought those words were some sort of comfort. He thought so.

While everyone (including the ex) inside the vehicle was staring at me waiting for me to jump inside, even the driver. I remember lifting my right foot to go inside thinking what was the worst thing that could happen.

Then, almost suffocated and scared, I said, "NO! I'm not going inside." I, myself, was shocked at saying such words.

The ex was mad. The expression on his face was one that was really so true. It made me believe INSIDE the dream that I was not actually dreaming. Imagine that.

He was mad. Really mad. He had that how-dare-you look on his face. A look I remember so well. 

Then I spotted a taxi right behind the van, I ushered to it. I said something like, "I'll take a taxi alone, but I'm not getting inside that mini van with you. I can't."

I think my dream needs no explanation. I decided NOT to get on the mini van with him which actually was very small, weird people (oh, the ex had one weird family!) inside and it made me feel suffocated, I swear. That was how my life was going to be with him. SUFFOCATING. APPALLING.

And I knew all that perfectly well. He was abusive. I always gave him so many excuses and put up with his sick behavior. He was never really justified. A sick bastard. That was what he was.

We were together for FIVE YEARS. Actually, the first two years don't count. He took many trips. I also went to the States, Dubai and Saudi Arabia with my parents many times.

And yes, he was an Egyptian in case you are wondering. 

Bottomline: Don't be with someone who makes you cry at night, makes you feel left out, abandoned and who happens to enjoy hurting you. Someone who is not aware of what you do for him every single day.

You deserve better.