I'm in Alex. Have been here for the last 3 days or so. I'm fine, but I have a bad cold that's starting to wear off. My uncles live here and we figured it'd be cool to stay here for a while and enjoy the eid. I don't have a job at the moment so I might as well enjoy my time off :)

We were supposed to go out today, but it's cold. But it's still warmer than Cairo, anyway.

Tomorrow, I'll probably go out with some friends.

Now to something else. A friend of mine came to see me today. She's a very sweet girl. Anyway, I love her looks and her unique personality. And we do have much in common.

She just told me that she met a guy online weeks ago. He seemed nice and all. But then things started getting more personal. They both started liking one another, realizing they had much in common. She gave me many examples and truly, they sounded so alike and I'd say they would have been in sync.

He told her he was falling in love with her and that he was single. He told her she was the girl of his dreams and more than anything, he wanted to see her. They started to phone one another. This went on for like two weeks. And they got really close.

But then she sensed something fishy. Now, my friend is rather psychic as I like to call her.

Anyway, she started ignoring him online and wouldn't take his calls. He started going nuts. Actually, I think he was crazy about her and still is.

Then she emailed him and swore that if she ever found out he hadn't been 100% honest with her, she would never ever talk to him again. He sort of freaked out. After much pressure, he finally told her he was actually...

MARRIED!

Oh my God! I didn't know what to say. She must be really strong to go through all of this alone as she'd not told anyone but me about this and already 4 or 5 weeks had passed. She loved him. She told me that. She told me he really broke her heart. She started describing to me the kind of pain she felt and I almost cried cos I've been there. I know what heartbreak is.

Now that's not the end of our little story here. He had the nerve to ask her if she wanted to be his girl friend! He told her he couldn't live without her. Of course, she said no and told him all she wanted him to hear in an email which he so deserved, by the way.

He called her later crying, but she didn't give in.

I admire her courage and her dignity. And of course, her choice.

And to all you girls online "Be careful!"

I can't totally refuse the idea of meeting someone online. One of my very close friends met her husband online and they are soul mates masha2Allah. But it's just a tiny possibility.

Anyway, I have another story, but I'll write again later.

OK, seriously and honestly, have you ever known a lesbian woman/girl? I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but I had to ask. This post is not for the weak-hearted and to tell you the truth, I never thought I'd be blogging about something like this!

A friend of mine called me days ago. She sounded upset. She said she needed to talk. We agreed to meet a couple of hours later for coffee. And let me call her N.

Here's how it went:

N: I've been feeling weird. I'm miserable.
Me: Why so?
N: I don't know if I should tell you, but I actually phoned you to tell you.
Me: ?????
N: I think you're not being a typical Egyptian, might make you understand this better than anybody else.
Me: ???
N: Promise you won't laugh at me or embarrass me before anyone else?
Me: (I'm sensing something bad) What do you mean?
N: Just promise.
Me: OK, I do.
N: Well, I'm a ....
Me: (I thought she'd say something about not being a virgin anymore or something and I didn't know what how to react then)
N: I'm a lesbian (almost whispering)
Me: WHAT???? (shouting)
N: What? You promised you wouldn't laugh at or ridicule me!! (upset)
Me: OK, N. Fine. I won't (shocked and fuming while thinking WHY ME WHY ME?)
N: So?
Me: Eih?
N: What should I do?
Me: How the he** would I know, N?

N starts to cry. Great. Another public scene.

Ten minutes later.

Me: Does your family know?
N: NO tab3an!! (laughs)
Me: I still don't get it!! Why?
N: It just happened. I realized I never liked guys.
Me: Let me get one thing straight. You think you like girls or you already done-
N: (cutting me short) I have had sex with other girl, yes!
Me: 0_0
N: Malek ya benty?
Me: You know I'm not a lesbian nor have any thoughts about switching teams ever? (I thought she might start hittin on me or whatever and yes, I got scared!!)
N: (laugh so hard) Aiwa, I know. You're so pretty and all, but it's apparent you're stupidly into guys.
Me: (laughing like an idiot) Me so pretty? Thanks.
N: So what should I do?
Me: I have NO idea, but your secret is safe.
N: Don't you know other lesbian girls?
Me: NO tab3an!
N: Even if you did, they wouldn't tell you. It's not common nowadays. We are still not accepted. In the future, may be. I bet you have other female friends who are lesbians but never say it!
Me: (OMG!!) You make me feel like you belong to some secret organization, N. Besides, I feel I have to tell you it's against our religion totally and this is one of the worst sins ever.
N: I don't need your fu****g opinion.
Me: FINE!
N: I don't have a girl friend so of course, I'm sad.

And then she told me something else that almost made me throw up but I can't write it here. And I've been tense ever since that talk. I don't think I want to talk to her again. She made me feel uncomfortable. She was checking out other girls when I was with her, for God's sake! It's all very confusing for me. She's really pretty and innocent-looking, so why?? She's never lived outside Egypt, so where did her thoughts come from?

Any advice, PLEASE?

I'm really *mad*. After writing a long post here last night for a whole ONE HOUR, I lost into cyber space. When I clicked "publish" something wrong happened and my entry was lost forever.

So, here I am again trying to re-post what I did last night.

I loved my trip to London. As a matter of fact, I'm seriously thinking of settling there soon. It's lovely (really cold though). There's so much to see and do there.

And of course I took some wonderful pics there but lost my digital camera on the way here which really upset me.

I went to some amazing places:

Chinatown London

Covent Garden Market (mom insisted on going there)

Hampton Court Palace (OMG! I felt I was in some royal movie there. It must feel so good to be a princess/queen :) I didn't want to leave EVER)

Tea Palace (for some afternoon tea. Tea time is sacred for the English.)

Porchetta (great pizza!)

Harrods (of course, where else would I go shopping? We were there for hours)

Windsor Castle

Sherlock Holmes Museum

Kensington Gardens

Why don't we have parks and gardens like that here in Egypt? Where could one go unwind and relax? The pollution here is unbearable cos my allergy is back again. I had no allergy or sinus there! We have the lovely Nile here, but just look at its color. The color of bitter death.

Anyway, of course so much happened there and I'll try to blog about it all. Granny was super nice. I enjoyed talking with her.

And so much happened when I got here. I got this email from an American friend of mine 2 days ago. Let me quote a paragraph she wrote:

"I'm thinking about going to Egypt soon. Our gov. here has been warning us. They say we, women, shouldn't walk alone on the streets or in crowded places. Sexual harressments/assaults are normal in Egypt nowadays as I've heard. How do you protect yourself there, dear?"

Me? No comment.

And I'm back. Will blog soon.

 

Ok, guess what? I'm in the UK now! Yay! My mom and I decided to come here all of a sudden. It took me like 2 hours to pack everything so you can imagine the running around!

Dad is still in Egypt. Work and all.

The flight was okay, I guess. I was too excited to notice. The last time I came here, folks was TEN YEARS AGO! I don't remember a thing. Right now we're in London, but tomorrow we'll go to my granny's house in the south.

I have certainly realized how polluted the weather is in Egypt. My allergy is gone here! How did I not notice that before?

Oh and have you noticed the pic above? Taken a good look at the guy on the left? Isn't he just so cute?! We kinda grew up together here (until I was three or four or so), he's a distant cousin, but sadly not a Muslim :( I really like him and he's so funny. Actually, I think he likes me too. He kept telling me how lovely I looked while trying to hold my hand. But at the same time he was holding a can of beer in his hand. I found that very irritating!!
I asked him to either drink it far from me or leave it aside. He left it aside :) He's a sweetheart. He was actually interested in Islam today and kept asking me questions...

And I got an email that made me both cry and open my mouth wide open (don't know which happened first)... But that's another story.

Salams for now.

I had the most bizzare dream yesterday.

All of a sudden it seems like I was back in time with the ex-boyfriend (the one I was about to marry one day long ago, the guy I thought was THE ONE). We were together again in the dream. I don't remember if we were holding hands. I remember I was holding some notebook. We were both standing waiting for a taxi as I thought. Then all of the stupid ex gestured to one of those mini vans (a public transport I NEVER ride for many reasons).

He opened the door and ushered to me to step inside. I clearly remember the appalled expression on my face, my mouth wide open and my being scared and almost shocked. The front row was empty. The van was full of men. I did not spot any female.

At that time, I remember the ex holding my hand tightly.

The ex jumped, stepping inside the mini van. And he was like, "Come one in! It's ok to ride a mini van when I am WITH you. When you're on your own, you should not."

He thought those words were some sort of comfort. He thought so.

While everyone (including the ex) inside the vehicle was staring at me waiting for me to jump inside, even the driver. I remember lifting my right foot to go inside thinking what was the worst thing that could happen.

Then, almost suffocated and scared, I said, "NO! I'm not going inside." I, myself, was shocked at saying such words.

The ex was mad. The expression on his face was one that was really so true. It made me believe INSIDE the dream that I was not actually dreaming. Imagine that.

He was mad. Really mad. He had that how-dare-you look on his face. A look I remember so well. 

Then I spotted a taxi right behind the van, I ushered to it. I said something like, "I'll take a taxi alone, but I'm not getting inside that mini van with you. I can't."

I think my dream needs no explanation. I decided NOT to get on the mini van with him which actually was very small, weird people (oh, the ex had one weird family!) inside and it made me feel suffocated, I swear. That was how my life was going to be with him. SUFFOCATING. APPALLING.

And I knew all that perfectly well. He was abusive. I always gave him so many excuses and put up with his sick behavior. He was never really justified. A sick bastard. That was what he was.

We were together for FIVE YEARS. Actually, the first two years don't count. He took many trips. I also went to the States, Dubai and Saudi Arabia with my parents many times.

And yes, he was an Egyptian in case you are wondering. 

Bottomline: Don't be with someone who makes you cry at night, makes you feel left out, abandoned and who happens to enjoy hurting you. Someone who is not aware of what you do for him every single day.

You deserve better.

The blogosphere seems so empty nowadays. Hardly any buzz. May be it has to do with the monsterous brutal mega sexual rabies that happened downtown on the first day of Eid? Right after RAMADAN, you know the most holy month of the year for us, Moslems!! I mean where have real men fucking gone? I'm so pissed off. I could have been there with a friend or with my MOTHER. And mind you, I do look European (I'm half English) and do NOT wear a hijab (not yet). So, would they have raped me right there? Although I read it made no difference to those beasts whether the woman was young, old, covering her whole body or exposing it. They were animals. BEASTS. But even beasts do NOT do that.

And what has our goverment done about that? Huh? Those people should go to prison and be beaten in public. Who would believe this would be happening in Egypt?

I'm so disgusted and shocked by all this that I may go to the UK for a while with my mom. I'm out.

Your thoughts are welcome.

I can't wait for Eid. We may also go to England for a while. Yay, but that will have to wait till the end of the year. Been a lousy blogger, I know. And yes, I have deleted my last post with my pic as I don't want anyone I know to find this blog out and read what's on my mind. I had the pic here for more than 2 or 3 weeks :)

My diet has been a huge failure. I think I out on more pounds than I should. But it's always like that in Ramadan for me. Not the "amount" of food, but the "type" of food and the many iftar invitations we get. Mother has put on some extra pounds, too and she is mad. Watch out.

Ok, don't scream or freak out or anything, but one of my old good friends that I hadn't talked to in 5 years or so emailed me last week. She is English (let's call her K) and we were sort of close when she was here in Egypt for a few years with her family. Anyway...

She emailed to ask about me. And she asks me, "So, what do you do for a living now?"

"I work in advertising and marketing. And you, K?"

"I just gave up stripping. I work as a waitress now till I graduate from college."

Yes, you got that right. She is an ex-stripper!

I didn't know what to say. I was shocked. She was so decent when I knew her and very shy. How come? She told me she quit after one week as it was not what she had expected.

Should I still talk to and email her? She is in England, not here, by the way.

Strange how people change.

Other than that, I feel lousy and bored most days. Why is it that people are so lazy in Ramadan? A good friend of mine England tells me it's not the case there. She still fasts and works just as hard. Weird.

And I hate Mona Zaki imitating "Soad Hosni". She's such a loser. She doesn't look or sound like her. And she's so boring. I used to like her actually. I think this TV show has showed Soad Hosni as one insane person who doesn't care about family life. All she wanted was fame and she got it. I think the script is lousy and the story isn't even 50% true. It's a shame for the "Cindrella" and her fans. They should stop that show. It's a big joke.

Ramadan Mubarak to you all. Go easy on the food this year. I'm actually dieting. Yeah right. Who am I kidding here? :)

Is it just me or don't you too feel the spirit of Ramadan this year?

And please please please (that's three please's) pray for my good friend Marwa who is going through one hell of a time with her husband who had to undergo surgery and has been diagnosed with cancer. They are both so young and just got married recently. Please pray for them and that her husband gets well soon.

I don't think there's anything interesting on TV. Oh wait, the TV show about Abd El Haleem Hafez is on MBC now. I also want to watch the one about Soad Hosny (on LBC). What time is it again? I guess I won't watch anything else.

Salams!

I guess I never "really" introduced myself here. I'm not sure if I can really, but let me give you some random facts about me.

I'm half English & half Egyptian. Mom's English which makes Dad the Egyptian.

I was born in England. We lived there for like 2-3 years then we moved to Egypt.

The last time I went to London was ten years ago :) We hardly have any family there now.

I miss England, but I love Egypt and love living here.

No, I'm not blonde or have a pair of blue eyes. My hair is dark and my eyes are brown. But I'm pretty nontheless :P

I'm over-weight but I don't care.

I speak Arabic more fluently than English ;)

So, September is here. I love autumn. Summer is so hot. Besides, I'm not a beach person anymore as I was when I was a kid. I remember we used to go to the beach almost EVERYDAY in the summer in Agamy where we spent the whole summer. It was like a ritual. Something we couldn't live without. Get up, get dressed and off to the beach. We'd go back home after sunset :D

It's not like I'm 50 years old or anything (I'm in my 20's actually), but back then private beaches were quiet and lovely. Even the color of the sea was different from its color today and its smell. Even the sand looked different then. Our country must be over-polluted. What a waste!

Everyone nowadays is getting ready for either school or Ramadan or BOTH. Ramadan starts Sep. 23rd as far as I know Insha2Allah.

Yalla, kol 3am w antom be'7eir :)

So, suppose you were getting married tomorrow, does that mean you only have today (and today alone) to think about, you know, someone other than your significant other? For the last time?

That question has been occupying my mind most of the day, mostly cos I have nothing else to do, no where to go with all this crazy heat and everyone I know is on vacation. But me.

NOT FAIR!!

Those past days all seem the same. Seeing the same faces on the street (don't know how, but at least it feels so!), saying the same things, eating the same stuff...etc.

I'm not a smoker and actually if you ask me how I feel about it, I must say I'm against it. For lots of reasons. But anyway, today I was stressed, so stressed that I decided to smoke. It wasn't the first time. It's funny though that I had only tried it once before that. It was last year or so. Just out of curiousity (and hated it) so today I have no idea why I decided to smoke. A girl I knew had earlier offered me one (yes, she smokes and it's becoming a habit nowadays).

The cigarette didn't make me feel any better or ease my tension. Then tell me this, why in the movies, whenever the hero or heroine is realy tense, they just grab a cigaretter and smoke the hell out of it like it's some tranquilizer? Huh?

Whatever, I think I'm talking nonsense. Off I go, people!

Post # 1

OK, let me not be conventional. I don't want this to be yet another boring first post. So, I won't introduce myself. You'll get to know the more you read me, that is if you ever do.

I'm pissed off at what's been going on in Lebanon and what makes me more angry is the fact that I'm helpless. I can't do anything. All I do is watch TV, cry for all the dead forgotten children and innocent people, wrecked houses and people who have lost their homes then move on to something else.

May Allah Bless Lebanon.

It's amazing writing down what you want to say and publish it for the whole world to see just through the click of a finger. I had a blog long ago but I think I had nothing to say for so long and was going through one of the hardest times of my life so I shut it down.

But not this one.

And it's been extremely hot these days. I can't sleep.

I also noticed that there are so many blogs by Egyptians online. Way to go, folks.

I've got so many things to do nowadays. I'll tell you more later.